A couple of
days ago the particular "fruit" of the day was patience (read the post here).
This has been a life long struggle for me. I am not a patient person. I tend to
want things done my way...right now! I like to plan things out and know what's
going on down to the very last detail. (My mother-in-law loves to tease me
about this particular personality trait all the time). This is not always a bad
thing, however. It's when I start to expect my life to turn out the way I think
it should and be on my particular time table that it becomes a problem. Many
people have to continually tell me, "Everything's in God's timing!"
Deep down, I know this to be true. I know that He knows me better than I know
myself. He knows what I need and when I need it. A couple of months ago I found
this article that someone had shared on Facebook. Usually I skip right over
these unless the title really draws me in. When I first read it, I initially
intended to write about it here, but time got away from me and I forgot. Then a
couple of days ago someone else shared the same article. Then another blogger I follow shared two verses that went
hand-in-hand with the same thought. When you add that to what I've been
struggling with on and off for the past 2 years, well......it's time to journal
(blog) those thoughts.
Check out
the article that I'm referring to here.
How do we
feel when God makes us wait? If you're like me and patience is something you
struggle with, it makes you feel anxious and worried that you'll never have
your heart's desire. One of my favorite lines in this article is:
"If he is telling you 'no' today, maybe it's because he has a better 'yes' for you tomorrow."
Almost 2 years ago I miscarried twins. I thought I was finally getting
that "Yes" from God when I found out I was pregnant. Then just 10
short weeks later, they were gone. It was not they "yes" moment I had
hoped for. The two years of trying since have brought disappointment and
frustration. I keep running into "NO!" Each time I found out someone
in my life was pregnant, I felt the pain resurface. Sure, I would eventually be
happy for them.....but the pain would be there. Along with the pain would come
the questions: Why not me? When will it be my turn? Sometimes I would think
that maybe it was God's way of telling me that I was not quite ready to take on
the role of "mom." A couple of months ago it occurred to me that I
should probably try to become a better woman of God and wife to my husband if I
ever want to succeed in the mom department. I had to change me before I could
expect anything to happen. Change had to happen with me first before my
marriage and relationship with my husband could support being parents. I'm
still a work in progress, but I've definitely seen changes and improvements.
Each morning I read a portion of God's word from one of my Bible plans and from
my devotional on the blogs I follow. Last Friday, a sweet lady at work prayed
for me with another friend at work. She prayed for my marriage and our desire
to be parents. She prayed that I first be cleansed so that I may serve the Lord
and fulfill His purpose for me. I feel God's presence in our marriage. I just
need to keep in mind that during life's "waiting periods" that my
faith must remain strong because He knows what's best, and it doesn't always
fall into place with what I think is best. When I read James 1:6-8, verse 7
says "for that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from
the Lord..." "That person" is one who doubts and is without
faith. Well, I definitely do NOT want to be that person.
I have several verses
bookmarked in my Bible that deal with waiting on the Lord's timing and having
faith that He will do what is best for you. My goal is to continue to spend
time in God's word daily and learn what I can do to further His purpose for my
life. I also continue to strive to be a better wife for my wonderful husband.
Those who know me, know I LOVE my husband. He is one of a kind. I want to help
build him up and encourage him to be the husband he strives to be. Together,
with God at the center of our marriage, we will have the type of relationship
God desires of us. Hopefully one day God will bless that relationship with
children!
